Watching the news this morning after very long, normally I prefer reading the news. Less than 30 mins and I hear: -UP Cabinet member mocks deaths from cold in Muzaffarnagar, says no one can die of cold! -20 year old gangraped in Pondicherry TWICE -blast in Jalpaiguri How much depression can you handle within 30 mins! You're being mocked for being a woman, being poor and helpless...all at the same time! So I switch to a music channel and my masaledar bollywood numbers lighten me up...maybe Bollywood is the way it is for a reason - theraptic in its own way! This is how we deal with being helpless about our situations - switch off and forget abt it...dont know for how long though!
Thursday, 26 December 2013
Tuesday, 10 December 2013
Falling short of life
Lots of things in my mind right now...feels like life is speeding away and eroding me in this speed. I dont think I am able to savour the flavours of happiness as much as I'd like but grief takes me to the rock bottom of my sensibility. Im wondering why is that? Im trying hard to take in every bit of a day's experiences but everything seems too much, too overwhelming! I feel a huge burden on me...I feel I need two of me to carry it all...my being is so insuffiecient for it. There are things that I need from life but I somehow dont find the means to do it...its like I have a path to go and life is pulling me towards a different path and its happening ALL THE TIME!Its just so entangled...everything aroud me...will I be able to untangle this mesh?
Monday, 16 September 2013
Hey beautiful!
Hey B'ful! He said to me one day when I was walking towards my friend to leave for a shopping trip. Of course it felt good. That why girls invest so much time in getting it right! But I didnt give in - let's play hard to get, I thought!
He looked good, spoke well, and was charming and attractive. I almost felt like I struck it right. That was the start - a lot of great conversations followed - each time making me feel more and more confident that I really got it right this time! What followed was a dream - engagement, wedding and so on. It was perfect!
We settled down, taking each day as it came, with a will to be with each other, spend time with each other no matter what. Jobs, assignments, family issues came and went each surfacing one part of us that the other didnt know of. As time passed by I didnt realise how much of him I was becoming and how much of me I was losing in the process. Little did I realise how much of me was eroding away bit by bit.
After a point, he started gaining stature in more ways than one. I got trampled more and more - starting to feel like I couldnt get anything right - my thoughts, my actions, even the way I looked! The only thing that always stayed with me was..."Hey Beautiful!"
And thats what it always is - isnt it? You start with feeling like you're this wonderful princess who the world can fall down for and the rest of your life is spent making you realise what a big loser you are to even think you were remotely capable of being wonderful!
Full circle, isnt it? I'm left asking a lot of questions...are you?
He looked good, spoke well, and was charming and attractive. I almost felt like I struck it right. That was the start - a lot of great conversations followed - each time making me feel more and more confident that I really got it right this time! What followed was a dream - engagement, wedding and so on. It was perfect!
We settled down, taking each day as it came, with a will to be with each other, spend time with each other no matter what. Jobs, assignments, family issues came and went each surfacing one part of us that the other didnt know of. As time passed by I didnt realise how much of him I was becoming and how much of me I was losing in the process. Little did I realise how much of me was eroding away bit by bit.
After a point, he started gaining stature in more ways than one. I got trampled more and more - starting to feel like I couldnt get anything right - my thoughts, my actions, even the way I looked! The only thing that always stayed with me was..."Hey Beautiful!"
And thats what it always is - isnt it? You start with feeling like you're this wonderful princess who the world can fall down for and the rest of your life is spent making you realise what a big loser you are to even think you were remotely capable of being wonderful!
Full circle, isnt it? I'm left asking a lot of questions...are you?
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